"Can you please MOVE!" said Jamie angrily. Jamie's little sister was crawling around while Jamie was trying to get dressed and to pack her bag to go to Auckland. Jamie and her family were going to Rainbow's End. She was so excited so she was getting a wee bit annoyed with her sister.
Then she went to her room to get her phone and she thought new it was on her bed but it wasn't she looked for it for over half an hour then finally she found it was under her towel she got for her shower.But when she turned it on it
"This is a record of my learning during my time at Mangonui School. Ka Kite Ano!"
Great start Keziah. You have hooked me in. Try to show the reader who Jamie is feeling rather than telling us
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